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Mental Wellness

A guide to host previously emailed Mental Wellness Wednesday tips.

Mental Wellness

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Mental Wellness Images

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More Mental Wellness Moments

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If you have a "go to" song that brightens your day, use it to create on your own mental health playlist. 
 
  1. Select the sounds - spoken word, poems being read, music (with and without words) across genres, languages, cultures - that speak to you. You can record yourself reading daily affirmations to include your voice in your playlist. You can do the same with poetry; you can record yourself (or a friend) reading your favorite poem or one that provides mental relief and add it to your playlist. Your playlist can be a compilation of the various sounds that calm and soothe you. 
  2. Then, locate the platform that works best for you to host the list - YouTube, Soundcloud, Mixcloud, Pandora, or click HERE for a more thorough list. 
 

If you are seeking meditations, affirmations, or apps to get you through the day and obstacles of life, here are a few suggestions:

Meditations (YouTube)

Maintaining Your Physical and Mental Health & Ambient Sounds                                                          
Best Resources for Home Workouts provides a list of resources for working out at home. 
 
Here is sampling of the links included:

Gaiam is a well-respected and popular yoga company with a wide variety of instructional videos. This one takes users through the popular flow yoga, also known as vinyasa yoga.

Personal trainer and TV personality Michaels has a number of collections available, and this one is ideal for those trying to squeeze in a quick workout. Throughout the workout, there are options to modify based on skill level.

Certified Pilates instructor Lindsey Jackson takes viewers through an hour-long class designed for both beginners and those with pilates experience. For each move, there are variations depending on comfort level.

Likewise, those working from home in need of the productivity-inducing ambient background noise typically found in coffee shops and libraries will want to check out the digital albums produced by the New York Public Library and other institutions

Here's are four from the list...

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The Library of Congress is inviting you to mix it up with this app. It allows anyone to make hip-hop music by remixing its public audio collections.

 
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Missing Sounds of New York: An Auditory Love Letter to New Yorkers
For those missing the background noise of co-working, as well as other once-common noises, the New York Public Library released an album of missing sounds in partnership with Mother New York. It can be found on Spotify as well.
 
 
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Oxford University offers four different sounds of its famed Bodleian libraries: Duke Humfrey's library, the Radcliffe Camera Upper Reading Room, Sir Charles Mackerras Reading Room in the Weston Library, and the Bodleian Old Library Upper Reading Room.
 
 
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Features world, classical, and popular music; nature; literature and performances; and even accents and a sound map.

~ Items suggested here were provided by Library Journal's Your Home Librarian Blog

We need to handle hard better.

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Click and watch the video first.

As Coach Lawson alluded to in her talk, many people foolishly wait for things to get easier in their lives. Maybe one of the following thoughts sound familiar: 

  • "It will be easier once my kids get older."
  • "It will be easier once I find a job that I love."
  • "It will be easier once my divorce is finalized."
  • "It will be easier once I lose the excess weight."
  • "It will be easier once I move out of this neighborhood."
  • "It will be easier once the fiscal year ends."
  • "It will be easier once I get out of debt."
  • "It will be easier once my boss retires."

Here's the thing, though: what if it doesn't get easier once that thing happens?

The hard truth is that there is no guarantee that our lives will be easier once our dream scenario becomes a reality. In fact, it's possible that life may be as hard (if not, harder) than it was before.

Thankfully, Coach Lawson offers us a life-altering mindset shift in her talk: 

Instead of hoping for things to be easier, we just need to learn how to handle the hard things in life, better.

  Contrary to popular belief, this isn't bad news. 

Actively building and acquiring the skills to handle the hard things in our lives is not only a gift, it's literally the best thing that we can do to improve the quality of our lives.

The Easiest Way to be Helpful

 

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This is an unquestionably tough time to be alive in our world's history. Wars, political divisiveness, new COVID variants, mental health issues, childcare concerns, workplace toxicity...the list goes on and on.

There have been plenty of days in the past two years when the tank is empty and there's nothing left to give. Those are the worst days, by far. And on those days when it feels practically impossible to take another step forward, that is exactly when we need help the most.

In those moments, here's the one thing that can have an enormous positive impact:

Encouragement.

Yep, that's it.

You can positively change someone's world in an instant if you choose to simply encourage them when they're down. This is the easiest way in the world to help someone, and it's something that we need to do more often.

Real talk--no matter who you are, what you've accomplished in your life or how much success you're currently enjoying, there's something that I know about you -- Life has kicked you in the teeth before. Hard. 

Think of your darkest moment. Didn't it help to hear the following from a loved one, friend, therapist, colleague or someone else?

  • "You can get through this."
  • "I'm here for you if you need me."
  • "I know that you're making the right decision."
  • "You are so much stronger than you realize."
  • "This situation will not break you."
  • “You deserve to be treated better.”
  • "I believe in you."

Words can have an incredible impact on people. Everyone gets weak. Everyone gets broken down once in a while. Everyone loses hope and faith. Yes, everyone.

The problem is that not everyone has someone who is willing to encourage them through those dark times.

That's why if you deeply want to positively impact the world, commit to being an encourager. It is such a simple act, but it can serve as the fuel to positively change someone's life.

There is No Such Thing As False Hope

 

 

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Encouraging others isn't solely about helping people through the inevitable dark periods in their lives, it's also about helping people to reach their hopes and dreams too.

So, why are so many people willing to discourage others when they're trying to improve their lives?

For example, let’s pretend that you have a friend who desperately wants to quit smoking. Keeping it real--there are probably thousands of reasons why your friend will likely fail:

  • Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances on earth.
  • The withdrawal symptoms are absolutely brutal.
  • Many people who quit are only able to do it for a short period of time before falling back into the habit again.

On the other hand--and, equally as real--there are probably thousands of reasons why your friend will likely succeed:

  • There are literally millions of people who have successfully quit smoking, and more are being added to the growing list each day.
  • Smoking cessation resources have never been as plentiful and effective as they are now.
  • Practically everywhere, there are quitting support groups and people who are dedicated to help you succeed.

So, let's think about this for a minute. Since we don't have the ability to predict the future (meaning that you have no clue if your friend will fail or succeed), what sense does it make to discourage their dream instead of encouraging it?

I don't care if someone wants to quit smoking, lose 100 pounds, become a best-selling novelist, start their own apparel company, erase a six-figure mountain of debt or beat Stage 4 cancer, I will always encourage them on their journey.

Some people may think that it's a dangerous thing to give people false hope. Here's the thing that those people fail to understand:

There is no such thing as false hope.

All hope is real, and even if there was such a thing as "false hope," I'd rather give a person that instead of real doubt.

Hope can change lives, and your encouragement has the power to create it. In some cases, your encouragement may be the only hope that a person has left.

More importantly though, could you imagine how much the world would positively change if more people lifted people up who are struggling, and were willing to encourage someone's hopes and dreams instead of discouraging them?

There is someone who needs your encouragement more than ever. Maybe it's a family member, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a coworker or maybe it's a complete stranger.

That's where you come in.

The world needs more encouragers. Be one of them.

An Important Lesson

 

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"The single most important lesson that I've learned in my life is that I have nothing to prove to anyone. Absolutely nothing." ~ Shola Richards

In a world that is more than willing to tell us the countless ways in which we don't measure up, this simple lesson provides much peace, freedom, and happiness. 

If you still think that you have something to prove to other people (you don't, by the way), hopefully the two following truths will help.

Truth #1: People are going to judge you no matter what you do.

Yep, it doesn't matter what you do, people are going to judge you for it.

If you choose to go to the gym consistently and drink kale smoothies all day long, or if you binge watch Netflix on the couch while eating Big Macs three meals a day, people will judge you either way.

If you choose to have kids or if you choose not to have kids, people will judge you either way.

If you choose to shop at Saks Fifth Avenue or if you choose to shop at Walmart, people will judge you either way.

If you choose to smile a lot or if you choose not to smile, people will judge you either way.

You get the point--no matter what you do, judgment from others will always be an unavoidable part of life. And since that's the case, there really is only one logical thing to do from this point forward:

Accept that people will judge you, but don't chase after their approval in hopes of getting the judgment to stop.

No, you don't need to prove to the world that you "made it" or act like someone who you're not in hopes of impressing people who you don't know or care about. Chasing the approval of the people who will judge you regardless of what you do makes no logical sense.

To be clear, I'm not saying that you shouldn't be open to constructive feedback, because you should. But...if you're making life changes based on chasing others' approval and/or avoiding their inevitable judgment, please stop.

You have nothing to prove to anyone.

Truth #2: No one really cares anyway.

This is not a contradiction.

It's true that people may judge us, but after spending 30-40 seconds doing it, they're completely over it.

Most people don't give any real energy to the clothes that you're wearing, the person you're dating, the book you're writing, the diet you're about to start, the car you drive, the fact that you're in therapy, etc. Sure, it's a big deal to you, but after they're done making a quick judgment about it, they spend the other 99.8% of their days thinking thoughts like these:

"I have so much to do today!"

"Why don't my kids ever listen to me?"

"I hate the way that I look in these pants."

"Seriously, another COVID variant?"

"I am so exhausted right now..."

"I can't wait for my vacation to start!"

"Ugh, this job is driving me insane..."

"Despite clear directions not to do so, why are so many people out here talking about Bruno???"

Regardless of what the thoughts are, I can pretty much guarantee that the majority of most people's thoughts have very little to do with you or me.

I know that sounds a little harsh, but it's actually a good thing.

It's freeing because it shows how little sense it makes to "prove our worth" to people who are too caught up in their own to drama to care about whether we prove our worth to them or not.

Most importantly, there's only one person who has the power to decide your worth, and that person is you, fellow Wildcat.

Don't put your happiness, inner peace, and sanity at risk by giving that power to anyone else.

You have nothing to prove to anyone.

Becoming the Butterfly

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"You must want to be a butterfly so badly, you are willing to give up being a caterpillar." -- Sekou Andrews

So...do you really want to be a butterfly? I'm definitely not an entomologist, but I'm willing to guess that whatever is going on inside of the chrysalis as the caterpillar is transforming into a butterfly is some pretty intense stuff. Interestingly enough, the same goes for any major transformations that we want to see in our lives too.

The caterpillar has to give up the familiarity of crawling on its belly, it has to deal with the potential pain of the metamorphosis process in the chrysalis, and it has to find the courage to embrace the uncertainty of a new life as a butterfly.

My question for you is, are you willing to do all of that in order to have an opportunity to fly?

What does that mean in a practical sense?

That means that if you really want to make a side hustle (business, writing project, creative endeavor, etc.) a reality in 2022, you'll have to temporarily give up what may bring you pleasure in the moment, to work toward what will bring you consistent joy in the future.

That means if we really want to experience optimal health (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) in 2022, we're going to make lifestyle changes and stick to them (especially on the days when we feel like it the least) in order to build up the habit of consistency, while squashing the habit of quitting at the first sign of discomfort.

That also means if you really want to experience true happiness in 2022, you'll have to stop accepting crumbs and scraps disguised as love (and even worse, deluding yourself into thinking that is all that you deserve) from the toxic people in your life, and start the process of cutting them out of your life (while simultaneously raising your standards), as soon as you're done reading this email.

The truth is, if given the choice, everyone would choose to live as a butterfly instead of as a caterpillar. Who doesn't want to fly instead of slithering around in the dirt and risk getting stomped on every day? What people don't want to deal with is the work that it takes to become a butterfly.

If you want to put in the work, fair warning--the process may not be fun. But really, does that even matter?

If we're willing to push past the initial fears, discomfort and uncertainty of the process, our reward will be a transformation that will literally (and permanently) change how we will view the world--and far more importantly, it will transform how we will view ourselves. 

Here's to our continued metamorphosis, and to remembering that we're in this together. Always.

What Are You Really Afraid Of?
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It's safe to say that we're all scared to some degree, but have you ever gone through the exercise of figuring out what you're really afraid of? If not, you should.
 
Think of something that scares you (for example, having a difficult conversation with someone, giving a high-stakes presentation, or sharing your art with the world). If you're willing to dig deep on this, you'll realize that the source of most people's fear is the anticipation of pain.
 
Sadly, we anticipate painful outcomes all of the time: "The conversation is going to be a drama-filled nightmare. The presentation is going to be a complete disaster. Everyone is going to laugh at me once I share my art on Instagram."
 
I have an empowering two-word question in response to those self-defeating thoughts: So what?
 
No, I'm not being flippant--I'm being serious. So what if the conversation ends up being worse than you thought? So what if your presentation bombs? So what if your art becomes the joke of your online community? 
 
More important than those painful possibilities is this:
 
Do we have what it takes to deal with the temporary pain of those outcomes if they did occur?
 
I believe the answer is yes.
 
The truth is that there is no amount of hiding, playing small, or running away that will protect us from the pain of looking foolish, making dumb decisions, or failing publicly in our lives. At one time or another, these outcomes are inevitable for you, me and everyone else who signed on for this human experience.
 
Contrary to popular belief, this isn't the problem.
 
The problem is forgetting that we are strong enough to overcome the temporary pain of whatever is scaring us...that is, if you'll even have to deal with that pain at all (yep, most things that we're scared of never even end up happening anyway).
 
As I said before, we're all scared in some way. But here's the choice that we're facing when fear is trying to break us: 1) we can be scared while we do what's necessary to improve our lives, or 2) we can be scared while we do nothing. 
 
This week, let's not allow the possibility of future pain stop us from doing what we need to do right now. The anticipation of pain is scary for sure, but when we become confident in our ability to deal with that pain, we can finally re-imagine our relationship with fear and loosen its grip on our lives.
 
Text by SHOLA Richards
"Don't feel inadequate in the presence of anyone. You belong in any room that you walk into."
 
(Side Exercise: Everyone needs a theme song. What's yours? Don't have one? Get one! Find a song that lifts and propels you. That reminds you that everything is going to be okay and that you are more than prepared for the tasks before you.  Here's one.... I Will Survive by Gloria GaynorHere's another... Hold on, Change is Coming by Sounds of Blackness Imagine your song playing as you enter a room, a test, a difficult situation, or just a trip to the store.)
 
Believing that you do not belong in the same room with those you perceive as possessing more than you is defeating. Whether others possess more degrees, possessions, knowledge, businesses, success or have published more books, traveled to more places, appeared on numerous radio, television and social media platforms or have won national championships. 
 
This is such a self-destructive way to think. The reality is that you and I belong in any room that we walk into. In fact, I want you to remember the following facts whenever you're feeling inadequate for any reason:
  • If you go into a work meeting with a room full of executives who have more degrees than a thermometer and you don't have one--you still belong in the room with them.
  • If you are walking into a gym where everyone looks like they could grate cheese on their abs, and you're not quite there yet--you still belong in the room with them.
  • If you are about to write a book, release your album, or start your business, and you're comparing the beginning of your journey to the wildly successful people in your field--remember, you still belong in the room with them.
Why are we so quick to minimize our skills, our unique gifts, or... our awesomeness when we're in the presence of other people? It's not okay, and it needs to stop.
 
The truth is that there will always be people who are smarter than us, better looking than us, more experienced than us, more educated than us...the list goes on and on. While that's true, that doesn't mean that we don't belong in the same room with them.
 
I get it, though. It's hard to believe that we belong in the same room with someone who is much farther down the "success road" than we perceive ourselves to be. But remember, everyone who you admire today started off in the same room with other people who were more successful than they were at that time. In large part, a key reason why they're [hugely successful] today is that they believed that they belonged in the rooms that they were in (even when contradictory circumstances or other people's negative opinions tried to tell them otherwise).
 
That's why the first step (and arguably, the most important) to bring our to best to how we work, live and lead is the sincere belief that we belong in any room that we walk into. Once we believe that, we will be amazed at how everything else in our lives falls into place.
 
Everything meaningful in life... all start with the unshakable belief that we belong. So, please don't allow your insecurities, self-doubt, and fears trick you into forgetting this very significant fact in 2022.
 
[R]emember that you belong in ANY room that you walk into, and that we're in this together. 
 
Excerpt from Shola Richard's Go Together Movement Email

Do Hard Things

I'm sure you'll agree that the quote below about commitment it's not only clever, but very true:

The reality is that almost everyone on earth has likely experienced the "New Year's Eve" mentality, right? The excited feeling that most of us get when a new year (and, an accompanying fresh start) is right around the corner, and we're fired up to tackle all sorts of goals. While that's great and all, what happens a few months later when that feeling inevitably fades (like, around June 6th or so)?

That is why the quote is important; true commitment has nothing to do with our feelings or our moods--it's simply about doing exactly what we said we would do, regardless of how we're feeling.

Like me, I am sure there are times when you are completely exhausted, stuck in an airport somewhere, kids running around screaming, feeling under the weather, there's a racist attack and/or school shooting in the news that saps any positivity...and the last thing that you feel like doing is what you have committed to do.

Thankfully though, these days, we are not driven by what we "feel like" doing--but by commitment.

Admittedly, this is a tricky mental shift to make, but it can make an enormous positive difference in the overall quality of our lives...given that we're committing to the right things, of course.

Committing to What Matters

When it comes to commitment, some folks have shown more commitment to binging Season 4 of Stranger Things or setting their fantasy baseball lineup than they are to reaching their lifelong dreams, enriching their personal relationships or enhancing their overall health. Please know that I'm not judging anyone, because I'm right there with them.

Here's the thing though--it's easy to commit to the things that feel good in the moment like binge-watching TV shows, taking an entire tub of cookie dough ice cream to the face, or hitting the snooze button repeatedly every morning. But again, committing to short-term quick highs will inevitably create dissatisfaction, emptiness and regret. 

To be VERY clear, I'm all about watching TV or TikTok. What I'm saying is that those activities should be fun distractions, not commitments.

Sadly, becoming committed to things that feel good in the moment often train our minds to seek out things that bring instant gratification. My challenge for you this week is this: are you willing to commit to the things that will radically enhance your life, but might not feel good in the moment?

For example:

·Eating well

·Exercise

·Asking for help

·Waking up early

·Creating healthy boundaries

·Reducing time on social media

·Saying "No"

·Limiting (or better yet, eliminating) toxic people from your life

Or worded differently, "Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life." -Jerzy Gregorek 

It's time to silence the whiny inner voice who is pushing us toward the easy choices. Maybe that voice is talking to you now. Truth be told, I don't always feel like answering emails, driving the speed limit, dealing with high-maintenance people, or getting an annual physical--but, I do all of those things because I'm committed to living the best life that I can before I die. And that's why we're here, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Let's commit to the hard stuff this week, and who knows? Maybe by doing so, the stuff that we once thought was hard will eventually become easy.


P.S.
 If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to join Shola's Monday morning email list, all you have to do is text the word "Positivity" (without the quotations) to 33777, follow the directions, and you're in!

The Truth About Power
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"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker

Many freely give their power away to anyone who wants it; even if no one wants it. 

Here are some cuts from the soul-destroying album that plays on repeat in many peoples' brains every time they walk into a room:

  • "These people are so much better/smarter than me."
  • "I'm not good enough."
  • "No one here likes or respects me."
  • "No one in this room wants to hear what I have to say."
  • "I don't belong here."

These beliefs rule the lives of many, and the results can be devastating. 

But the truth is:  None of these beliefs are true.

The feeling of intimidation has nothing to do with the person who intimidates us. Instead, it has everything to do with our insecurities.

 

Think about it. How often do we give away our power by allowing our insecurities to create bizarre stories in our mind about other people?

Here's the truth:

The people who are intimidating you are not better than you. They aren't more special than you are. They poop and fart just like the rest of us (and it stinks too.) In fact, they're probably just like you in more ways than you could ever imagine.

 

Most importantly, the story that you're telling yourself in your mind about how scary they are, isn't real (even though your insecurities are trying to convince you otherwise).

The key is to remember (and believe) this:

When you walk into the same room with them, you belong there.

Know Your Value

 

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Sadly, there are many people in this world who find a perverse joy from intimidating other people. Whenever you're on the wrong end of it, remember this: 

Stand tall and always remember that you have value.

Permission Denied

 

Here is the most important truth about intimidation:

No one can intimidate you without your permission.

 

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There's no need to over-complicate this: You either give other people your power, or you don't.

In life, there will always be scary situations to overcome, comfort zones that need to expand in order for us to grow, and self-love that needs to be constantly reinforced in order for us to fully experience the best that life has to offer.

 

None of the above can happen as long as we continue to listen to the wimpy voice that's inside of all of us, saying that "we're not as good as other people."

We are as good and as worthy as anyone walking on this earth.

In the end, the power to rise up or the power to diminish yourself will always be in your hands.

As always, choose wisely.

 

The Enemy We Must Defeat
 
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The biggest problem facing our world right now is apathy.

Yes, apathy--the lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern about the seriousness of the above issues (and others).

Where does this lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern come from? Maybe it's a way to protect ourselves (if we don't care as much, it won't hurt as much when bad things happen). Or maybe we've become desensitized to all of this stuff, due to its frequency of occurrence. Or worst of all, maybe we believe that it's someone else's job to do something about these things.

The reality though is that we need to care, we cannot allow ourselves to become desensitized to human suffering, and we must stop fooling ourselves into thinking that "someone else" is going to save us. The work is yours and mine to do.

And like most things that matter in this world, everything starts with giving a damn. 

Over the years, we have seen variations of the following: 

"Look, there's nothing that you can do to make racism, violence, or incivility disappear from the earth. It will always be here, so wouldn't it make more sense to learn to live with it?"

In a word, no. The above question can only be asked by someone who doesn't care enough. Think of the countless examples of people throughout our world's history who did care enough about making the world a better place: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, to name a few. These people aren't superheroes, and if they were still alive, they'd be the first to tell you that.

Their secret (if you want to call it that) is that they gave a damn about human suffering, and did something to address it. That is absolutely something that you and I can do too.

Apathy is the enemy, and we have to fight against its seductive call with everything in our being. Even though it's WAY easier not to care, I'm begging you to keep your heart open and care as deeply as you can, because that's literally the only way we can change anything. Contrary to popular belief, mean-spirited and hateful acts are not the biggest concern. The real concern are the good people who see mean-spirited and hateful acts, and choose to do nothing about it.

Remember, what we allow is what will continue.

P.S. If this email was forwarded to you and you would like to join Shola's Monday morning email list, all you have to do is text the word "Positivity" (without the quotations) to 33777, follow the directions, and you're in!

 

Grief and Cooking

These are the most difficult mornings: the sun rising after senseless acts of violence, shining on beds that weren’t slept in, that won’t be slept in again.

There are 19 dead schoolchildren in Uvalde, Texas, as of this writing, along with two dead adults and the dead 18-year-old gunman. Several other children were injured in the shooting on Monday at Robb Elementary School, including a 10-year-old in critical condition. The gunman also shot a 66-year-old woman whom authorities said was his grandmother. She, too, is in critical condition.

It’s exhausting and seemingly endless, as my colleague David Leonhardt wrote a few hours ago for The Times: “The list from just the past decade includes supermarkets in Buffalo and in Boulder, Colo.; a rail yard in San Jose, Calif.; a birthday party in Colorado Springs; a convenience store in Springfield, Mo.; a synagogue in Pittsburgh; churches in Sutherland Springs, Texas, and in Charleston, S.C.; a Walmart in El Paso; a FedEx warehouse in Indianapolis; a music festival in Las Vegas; massage parlors in the Atlanta area; a Waffle House in Nashville; a gay nightclub in Orlando, Fla.; and a movie theater in Aurora, Colo.”

And I’m here to tell you what to cook right now?

Food plays a central role in our reaction to tragedy, to death and grieving. It’s why casseroles appear on the doorsteps and countertops of those experiencing it, why we feel the urge to roast chickens or assemble lasagnas when the news is grim. Food is comfort of a sort, and fuel as well, for anger and sorrow alike. We cook to provide for those we love and for ourselves. In the activity itself we strive to find relief, strength, resolve.

I’ll keep it simple. This is a day for smothered chicken or a pot of fast chili or a big vat of spaghetti (above), and for making sure it gets onto the plates of those who need it. It’s for lentil soup or simple shrimp stew, for a heartening stir-fry, for quesadillas, a contemplative walk and bed.

The whole weekend will be like that, I imagine, somber and muted all the way through to the Memorial Day on Monday, a holiday of remembrance for which we have an immense number of recipes. You may not be in the mood, but they include ice creamstrawberry shortcake and rhubarb crispgrilled baby back ribshamburgers and mango slaw.

Visit New York Times Cooking if you need more ideas for what to cook right now. And please let me know how you’re doing: foodeditor@nytimes.com. I read every letter sent.

You Need to Guard the Door
 
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Since May is National Mental Health Awareness Month in America, let us focus on our mental health--or more specifically, making our mental health a priority. Let's be real, after 2+ years of muddling through this pandemic (not to mention all of the other awful stuff going on in the world), it seems like most people are moving through their days with a form of "high-functioning anxiety".  While true, there is something that is 100% within our control that can make a significant difference in the quality of our mental state.
 
We need to guard the door.
 
What does that mean, specifically? We need to be ruthless, dare I say, near-maniacal, about what we willingly allow into our minds. That's why Priority #1 right now is to be steadfast about guarding that figurative door to our minds.
 
This is especially true during times of high-stress and anxiety. You know... like the times we're living through right now.
 
Here are the two ideas for protecting your mental health:
 
1. Limit Our News Intake
 
This should go without saying, but if you're working from home with cable news playing in the background 24/7, or if you're running around town with "Breaking News" alerts pinging your smartphone multiple times an hour, that is the antithesis of guarding the door. They call cable news "anger-tainment" for a reason, right?
 
The biggest pushback from people when given this suggestion, is that they don't want to be uninformed about what's going on in the world.
 
That's understandable. But, what sense does it make to load our brains with a steady diet of high gas prices, wars, mass shootings, political melodrama in the hopes of "staying informed"? Doing this consistently will cause "anxiety overload" (or outrage overload) and have a devastating effect on our mental health.
 
To be painfully clear, this isn't about sticking our heads in the sand and trying to ignore reality. This is about making the life-enhancing move to stop consuming things for hours a day that will erode our overall mental state. More importantly, when we make our mental health priority, it will provide us with the energy and clarity to take the necessary action to positively change our world. Needless to say, watching hours of cable news a day will NOT do that for you.
 
Interestingly enough, you'll be shocked at how little news (if any, really) you need to consume in order to stay informed. If you're unwilling to give it up completely, a best practice is to select a specific time where you'll get your news update (pro-tip, try scanning headlines from a trusted source, instead of watching news), and then move on. The key is to be consciously aware about what you let in the door (in this case, the news), instead of leaving the door wide-open and allowing yourself to unconsciously marinate in it for hours on end.
 
Better yet, if you're guarding the door, why not let in content that you know will improve your mental state? For example, interesting books/audiobooks, your favorite music, inspiring TED talks, thought-provoking podcasts, funny movies/tv shows...the list is truly endless.
 
If the news is making you feel great (admittedly, I have no idea how that could be the case right now), then by all means, keep watching. But if you're like some and the news is having the opposite effect, then there has never been a better time to detox.
 
2. Take Control of Our Social Media
 
If someone consistently makes you feel bad, then that person is not your friend.
 
We must separate ourselves from the toxic people in our personal lives, and some people in our lives need to be loved from a distance.
 
Unsurprisingly, social media usage has been on the rise for most people since the pandemic began in the spring of 2020. It has allowed people to reconnect with friends and loved ones.
 
However, during the same time, we were aware of a small group of people in our networks who consistently posted hateful, mean-spirited stuff. Pre-pandemic, we may not have had time to notice those folks before.
 
In other words, we didn't guard the door.
 
The fix? Remove them quickly, and become more thoughtful about the people we allow in our social media circles.
 
If you have people in your social media feed who consistently make you feel bad, are they really your friends? To be clear, this doesn't mean that you need to delete/block everyone who you disagree with. But seriously, if seeing a certain person in your social media feed is causing you to feel anxious or depressed, then I think that it's safe to say that you should limit your time around that person if you care about your mental health.
 
We need to make our mental health a priority not just during National Mental Health Awareness Month but all yearlong. Making these two relatively minor adjustments may improve your well-being immensely during these stressful times.
 
P.S.  Join Shola's Monday morning email list by texting the word "Positivity" (without the quotations) to 33777, follow the directions, and you're in!
Finding Serenity
 
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You might already know this, but May is National Mental Health Awareness Month in America. And when it comes to my mental health, nothing has been more helpful to me than the serenity prayer. If you're not aware of what it is, here it is:
 
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
 
Needless to say, there is no peace or serenity in the mind of the person who spends the majority of their time focusing on what they can't change, or in the mind of the person who must control everything.
 
Focusing on what we can't change is an exercise in futility, because by definition, there's literally nothing that we can do to change the situation. Additionally, the need to control everything is not only unhealthy, but more importantly, it's also impossible. Worse still, both of the aforementioned scenarios create unnecessary anxiety that will get in the way of us living our best lives.
 
These days, I'm choosing to surrender. Yes, I'll say it louder for the folks in the back: surrender is the key to my serenity.
 
Contrary to popular belief, surrender has nothing to do with "giving up" or being passive. It's simply about focusing on the things that I have the power to control, and then detaching from the outcome.
 
And yes, this is WAY easier said than done.
 
I've noticed that in my often-futile attempts to control more than I should/could, the only predictable outcome in my life was heightened anxiety. It's not like trying to control everything ever helped me to reach my goals, increase my overall happiness, or feel at peace. 
 
There will always be things that are out of my control. And instead of stressing about them, I am working hard at surrendering and letting go.
 
During these wild times we're living in right now, the practice of surrender has helped my sanity enormously. Not only has my anxiety over the future decreased, but my ability to focus on the few things that I have control over (i.e., my actions, my effort and my attitude) have all increased dramatically.
 
In the spirit of National Mental Health Awareness Month, try to practice the difficult art of surrender in your life. Additionally, re-read the Serenity Prayer above, and let it sink in. Are there areas of your life where you can consciously let go, accept the things you cannot change, and refuse to obsess over the outcome?
 
Like I said, this isn't easy stuff. I'm working though it too, believe me. But if you're willing to give it a try, I can promise you that you'll be glad that you did.
 
Have a great week my friend, stay safe out there, and I'll see you back here next academic year for more positive goodness. Until then, remember that we're in this together. Always.
 
Live positively!
 
[You can sign up to receive Shola's positive affirmations by texting the word "Positivity" (without the quotations) to 33777.]
 
 
It's Time to Stop Chasing
 
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You have probably received the following advise before but it is worth repeating:
 
Don't chase after people.
 
Simple, but powerful advice, right? 
 
There is no situation that is more soul-damaging than spending our precious time pushing, fighting, or worst of all, begging another person to want us in their lives. Sadly, we have all experienced this. 
 
Nothing good comes from chasing after people.
 
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with letting a potential employer, or even a potential significant other, know all of the awesome things that you bring to the table. But as soon as you've done that once or twice without reciprocation, then it is time to find the self-control and/or self-respect to move on and let it go.
 
Why in the world should we want someone who doesn't want us?
 
For example:
  • If you applied for a job and made it to the final round of interviews, but after your last interview, they didn't respond to your last two follow-up emails...why would you consider sending them a third follow-up email? Seriously?! Please don't. If they want to hire you, they know how to find you.
  • If you sent a LinkedIn and/or business partnership request to someone, and they didn't respond to it after a month, are you really going to send multiple follow-up messages asking if they received your request? Trust me, they got it.
  • If you went on a date with someone, and even though you thought that you both had a great time...if they haven't responded to your texts and calls since that date, then it's probably time to move on. 
Here is what is known--gritting your teeth in hopes of somehow forcing someone to realize how much of a mistake it is not to choose you, almost always achieves the opposite of the desired result. Don't waste another minute of your precious time trying to cram square pegs into round holes. 
 
Instead, simply go where you are wanted.
 
And on a final cautionary note--the only thing that could be worse than trying to go to a place where you're not wanted, is deciding to stay in a place where you're not wanted.
 
Whether it is at the workplace, within your group of friends/family, or in a romantic relationship--why stay if you feel that your presence is not appreciated or wanted?
 
Here's this week's dose of tough love. If you have been led to believe that you are destined to spend the rest of your life pitifully lapping-up scraps and crumbs as you beg to be wanted by others, you're wrong. You deserve so much more.
 
Honor yourself enough to only go where you are wanted...and ideally, celebrated.
 
Text the word "Positivity" (without the quotations) to 33777 to receive Shola's weekly affirmations.