Mental Wellness

The Easiest Way to be Helpful

This is an unquestionably tough time to be alive in our world's history. Wars, political divisiveness, new COVID variants, mental health issues, childcare concerns, workplace toxicity...the list goes on and on.

There have been plenty of days in the past two years when the tank is empty and there's nothing left to give. Those are the worst days, by far. And on those days when it feels practically impossible to take another step forward, that is exactly when we need help the most.

In those moments, here's the one thing that can have an enormous positive impact:

Encouragement.

Yep, that's it.

You can positively change someone's world in an instant if you choose to simply encourage them when they're down. This is the easiest way in the world to help someone, and it's something that we need to do more often.

Real talk--no matter who you are, what you've accomplished in your life or how much success you're currently enjoying, there's something that I know about you -- Life has kicked you in the teeth before. Hard. 

Think of your darkest moment. Didn't it help to hear the following from a loved one, friend, therapist, colleague or someone else?

• "You can get through this."
• "I'm here for you if you need me."
• "I know that you're making the right decision."
• "You are so much stronger than you realize."
• "This situation will not break you."
• “You deserve to be treated better.”
• "I believe in you."

Words can have an incredible impact on people. Everyone gets weak. Everyone gets broken down once in a while. Everyone loses hope and faith. Yes, everyone.

The problem is that not everyone has someone who is willing to encourage them through those dark times.

That's why if you deeply want to positively impact the world, commit to being an encourager. It is such a simple act, but it can serve as the fuel to positively change someone's life.

There is No Such Thing As False Hope

Encouraging others isn't solely about helping people through the inevitable dark periods in their lives, it's also about helping people to reach their hopes and dreams too.

So, why are so many people willing to discourage others when they're trying to improve their lives?

For example, let’s pretend that you have a friend who desperately wants to quit smoking. Keeping it real--there are probably thousands of reasons why your friend will likely fail:

• Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances on earth.
• The withdrawal symptoms are absolutely brutal.
• Many people who quit are only able to do it for a short period of time before falling back into the habit again.

On the other hand--and, equally as real--there are probably thousands of reasons why your friend will likely succeed:

• There are literally millions of people who have successfully quit smoking, and more are being added to the growing list each day.
• Smoking cessation resources have never been as plentiful and effective as they are now.
• Practically everywhere, there are quitting support groups and people who are dedicated to help you succeed.

So, let's think about this for a minute. Since we don't have the ability to predict the future (meaning that you have no clue if your friend will fail or succeed), what sense does it make to discourage their dream instead of encouraging it?

I don't care if someone wants to quit smoking, lose 100 pounds, become a best-selling novelist, start their own apparel company, erase a six-figure mountain of debt or beat Stage 4 cancer, I will always encourage them on their journey.

Some people may think that it's a dangerous thing to give people false hope. Here's the thing that those people fail to understand:

There is no such thing as false hope.

All hope is real, and even if there was such a thing as "false hope," I'd rather give a person that instead of real doubt.

Hope can change lives, and your encouragement has the power to create it. In some cases, your encouragement may be the only hope that a person has left.

More importantly though, could you imagine how much the world would positively change if more people lifted people up who are struggling, and were willing to encourage someone's hopes and dreams instead of discouraging them?

There is someone who needs your encouragement more than ever. Maybe it's a family member, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a coworker or maybe it's a complete stranger.

That's where you come in.

The world needs more encouragers. Be one of them.

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker

Many freely give their power away to anyone who wants it; even if no one wants it. 

Here are some cuts from the soul-destroying album that plays on repeat in many peoples' brains every time they walk into a room:

• "These people are so much better/smarter than me."
• "I'm not good enough."
• "No one here likes or respects me."
• "No one in this room wants to hear what I have to say."
• "I don't belong here."

These beliefs rule the lives of many, and the results can be devastating. 

But the truth is:  None of these beliefs are true.

The feeling of intimidation has nothing to do with the person who intimidates us. Instead, it has everything to do with our insecurities.

Think about it. How often do we give away our power by allowing our insecurities to create bizarre stories in our mind about other people?

Here's the truth:

The people who are intimidating you are not better than you. They aren't more special than you are. They poop and fart just like the rest of us (and it stinks too.) In fact, they're probably just like you in more ways than you could ever imagine.

Most importantly, the story that you're telling yourself in your mind about how scary they are, isn't real (even though your insecurities are trying to convince you otherwise).

The key is to remember (and believe) this:

When you walk into the same room with them, you belong there.

Know Your Value

Sadly, there are many people in this world who find a perverse joy from intimidating other people. Whenever you're on the wrong end of it, remember this: 

Stand tall and always remember that you have value.

Permission Denied

Here is the most important truth about intimidation:

No one can intimidate you without your permission.

There's no need to over-complicate this: You either give other people your power, or you don't.

In life, there will always be scary situations to overcome, comfort zones that need to expand in order for us to grow, and self-love that needs to be constantly reinforced in order for us to fully experience the best that life has to offer.

None of the above can happen as long as we continue to listen to the wimpy voice that's inside of all of us, saying that "we're not as good as other people."

We are as good and as worthy as anyone walking on this earth.

In the end, the power to rise up or the power to diminish yourself will always be in your hands.

As always, choose wisely.

• If you applied for a job and made it to the final round of interviews, but after your last interview, they didn't respond to your last two follow-up emails...why would you consider sending them a third follow-up email? Seriously?! Please don't. If they want to hire you, they know how to find you.
• If you sent a LinkedIn and/or business partnership request to someone, and they didn't respond to it after a month, are you really going to send multiple follow-up messages asking if they received your request? Trust me, they got it.
• If you went on a date with someone, and even though you thought that you both had a great time...if they haven't responded to your texts and calls since that date, then it's probably time to move on.